Saturday, July 12, 2008

Financial Finessing

Ladies: Have you graduated from college, and is the job market is looking as ominous as car insurance, the utility bill, rent, and payments on the credit card debt you accrued during college?

Set your worries aside. With a little financial finessing, you can still live with the comfort and ease of someone who earns a sustainable income.

A few tips to help you on your way.

1) Hold onto your student ID; the with the photograph from your first week at college, when you still had the remnants of (ugh!) that perm and blue eye shadow. This will be good for discounts at places like the gym, movies, or persuading your grandmother that she still needs to buy you a new coat every winter.

2) Make/Continue wholesome friendships with the employees at your favorite food chains and latte joints. After they give you your favorite meals and drinks for free, however, be sure to tip them in order to show your gratitude.

3) Remember that guy you used to flirt with at parties your freshman year? The one who sort of looked cute after several shots of whiskey and who begged you to come to Las Vegas with him for spring break? (Even volunteering to front your gambling money and find you a fake ID, but you backed out when your mother, who was going through her second divorce, threatened suicide when she discovered that you might be spending spring break away from her.) Look him up and give him a call.

Chances are he has spent some time in the positive cash flow industry, and should be good for a few nice dinners out. If your timing is impeccable, he will be in the wake of a difficult breakup, and desperate to hook up with someone else, immediately invite you to come live with. You will be able to leave the studio you had been sharing with three of your college girlfriends and move into an all-expense-paid condominium, which he has already decorated with Simpson bobble heads and Chia-pets.

4) Learn to cook gourmet with Top Ramen. Errr…ummmm….well…..actually you may be out of luck in this category. Look on the bright side: after four months of living off of Ramen and Nissan food products, the thought of dehydrated carrots and oriental spices seasoned with MSG will make you so nauseous that you suddenly become inspired to lose the 15 pounds you put on during college. You will find yourself flashing your Student ID at the local gym and magically returning to the 110-pound-wonder you used to be in high school.

No comments

MegExpressions © - DESIGNED BY HERPARK